mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
