so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
