I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Shame - the story of my life.
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