So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
