ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
