I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
