White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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