I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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