I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
