how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
