12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
