just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just tell him i said nine months
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
