Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
