Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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