there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
