They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
