I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
