tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
