all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
