That's intense
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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