did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
