if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
