I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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