We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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