C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
