I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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