Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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