Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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