I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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