Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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