i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
