any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
