3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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