She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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