she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
