so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
