I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
