Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
