I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
