So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
