Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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