Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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