I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
