Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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