No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
