I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
