My Higher Power is John Stamos
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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