Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
