Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Terrible idea I love it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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