Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
