I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
