And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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