I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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