No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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