Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
