Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
